Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Drunk is not a location!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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