I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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