Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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