The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
