he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
