I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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