saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
