1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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