totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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