You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
