hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
