there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
