Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
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