So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
