i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
