it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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