i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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