what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
