Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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