you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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