did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
