I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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