he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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