i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
