lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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