he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
