guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
