I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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