I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
PANTIES FOUND
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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