you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
