Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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