John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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