I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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