i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
