I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
