quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
