I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
