I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
