apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
