She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I think I just sharted jello shots
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
