So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
