Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
