I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
