I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
