Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
