My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
