he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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