Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
