don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
