You're earring is so big in my mouth
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
