Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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