you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
