I cockslap morals
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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